Interview With Kristina's Son Darren, Age 15
Hi Darren, how have you been doing lately?
Darren in 2005, age 15.
I'm 15 now and I have my driver's permit. Later this afternoon I'm going to get behind the driver's wheel for the first time. And I'm going to go straight right down Spring Street and forget which one's the brake and which is the gas!
In what ways do you think you have changed in the last few years?
I have become smarter in schooling and my thinking process is at a higher level than it used to be. And at school I'm catching on really quick and my math classes are easy.
How do you like school?
Except for Japanese language class, it's going pretty well. I'm enjoying being with my friends. The homework load is harder this year. My hardest classes are Japanese because I have to use my long-term memory, and Honors English when we have to write an essay. Easiest is math because you just have to learn how to do an equation and then it's lots of the same. It can get tedious. And if I had to choose whether I liked biology or history the best, I'd choose biology because remembering that stuff is easier than remembering history and Japanese. And soon I'll have driver's ed. (heh, heh).
Do you have friends this year?
Yeah, I'm hanging out with Steven and his group.
What did you do to make friends with them?
I made friends with Steven when I saw him reading a Dungeon Master's Guide for D & D and I've always wanted to play that. So I talked to him about it and asked if I could join the group. And he said yes, and after the group was done I just continued hanging out with him.
What do you do differently now that helps you make friends?
I'm not as shy as I used to be and I'm more friendly and open and don't make as many social skills mistakes. My facial expressions are what they should be, my tone of voice and how loud I speak is right and I'm a lot more friendly.
How did you improve those skills?
Mostly by working with my mom on communication skills, and practice.
Darren with sister, Laura, and dog, Taffy.
Are you interested in dating?
Not yet. I'm open to dating but I haven't really found someone I really clicked with yet. I've read some books on how to date. I still need to learn how to meet a girl and get to know her. I don't really know what leads up to getting a date.
What do you think you could do to learn what leads up to getting a date?
I think there are still some books I haven't read, so I am going to look through them. Also I am going to work with my mom, since she is an Asperger relationship and communication coach, to help me learn. In particular I want to learn more about reading people's body language and the clues in what they say and don't say, so I can tell whether a girl might be interested in me asking her for a date.
Have you thought much about your career?
I believe I'm going to be a structural engineer, but I'm not quite certain.
What do you need to learn, in addition to engineering itself, in order to be good at structural engineering?
I probably would need to know more about the kinds of jobs I'll be working in close proximity with. I'll want to know the big picture of what exactly is going on. Also I would need to be able to get along with my boss, clients and the architects. So I just need to keep learning the communication skills.
Darren with his grandfather.
How has coaching been helping you lately?
Well, I always have goals I want to succeed at, so coaching helps with that. Even small things, like the other day coaching helped me figure out how to write my honors English paper. I was angry with my dad because he wouldn't tell me what I should write. Coaching helped me calm down and figure out what I wanted to do. My perspective changed dramatically. I went from "I can't do this" to "This is how I'm going to do this." That made a big difference.
You've been learning to coach lately. Tell me about that.
I'm not intending to become a professional coach. I'm learning some coaching skills by pretending that I'm the coach and my mom is the client, instead of the other way around. So I coach her! It helps improve my listening skills. And these skills also help in real life because if a friend of mine has a problem, instead of just giving advice I could coach them, which is a lot more helpful. Also when I'm coaching I have to pay attention to the other person. Sometimes it seems easier to do more talking than listening, but when I'm coaching, I'm encouraging the other person to talk.
Also sometimes it's easier to talk about myself or my own interests, and if I'm coaching I'm paying attention to the other person and their interests rather than mine. Also if I'm just talking on the phone with a friend I might be tempted to also do something else at the same time, but if I'm coaching I have all my attention on the other person, so it teaches me how to do that.
To read Kristina's blog, which is a series of letters to Darren, click here.