Wednesday, April 18, 2007
People Are Scared; Don't Look Scary
Darren,
This blog entry is hard for me to write because it’s about a serious and sad topic. But I think it’s important for you to hear and also for other people with Asperger Syndrome who might be reading this.
For the last couple of days our nation has been saddened by the shootings at Virginia Tech. It has made people sad, and also scared. They are afraid there might be another shooter like that somewhere and it could happen to them. The student who shot everyone was described as a loner without very many friends. Our society doesn’t trust loners without very many friends. And unfortunately, people with Asperger Syndrome are often loners without very many friends.
People are naturally afraid of each other, even though we also want to all get along. One of your big roles in the social world is letting other people know that you are safe and sane and okay to be around. That will make everyone happy to be with you.
You can seem a little odd because you have Asperger Syndrome. So you may want to go out of your way to let people know they can trust you and that you are safe. Just because you are a goodhearted person, doesn’t mean people can tell unless you show them.
That is why we suggest that you not wear your black trench coat all the time. Black trench coats don’t seem safe to people. It makes you seem scary and you are already a big, tall, young, strong guy.
Even more important is the looks on your face and the emotion you show with your body. It is very common for people with Asperger Syndrome to not notice their body language and not realize that it is extremely important.
Sometimes when you are mildly annoyed, such as when we ask you to wash the dishes, you get a look on your face like you want to kill us. If I didn’t know you and know all about Asperger Syndrome, I might think that I should run for my life!
You must, must, must, learn how to catch yourself when you are about to give that look and never, ever give anyone that look. I know it seems crazy to you to hear me say this, but you can destroy a relationship with one look. That look is so intense, that people think you are saying, “I will kill you,” and they may never trust you again. They might mistakenly think that you are crazy like that student who shot people.
It’s hard for people with Asperger Syndrome to understand how strongly faces speak, but they are much more important than words to most people. Most people think that facial expressions are always true. But most people know that with words, it is possible to joke around or tell little lies, or big lies. That’s why most people don’t listen to words very much. But one really strong and scary look is all it will take for you to lose someone’s trust forever.
Whew, sorry for the long and serious blog today. But you are such a sweet guy and it wouldn’t be fair for someone to think that you are like a scary shooter. Asperger Syndrome isn’t a mental illness, it’s just a communication disorder. So all you need to do is learn the communication skills that are used in this world to reassure others, and you’ll be fine.
Love,
Mom
This blog entry is hard for me to write because it’s about a serious and sad topic. But I think it’s important for you to hear and also for other people with Asperger Syndrome who might be reading this.
For the last couple of days our nation has been saddened by the shootings at Virginia Tech. It has made people sad, and also scared. They are afraid there might be another shooter like that somewhere and it could happen to them. The student who shot everyone was described as a loner without very many friends. Our society doesn’t trust loners without very many friends. And unfortunately, people with Asperger Syndrome are often loners without very many friends.
People are naturally afraid of each other, even though we also want to all get along. One of your big roles in the social world is letting other people know that you are safe and sane and okay to be around. That will make everyone happy to be with you.
You can seem a little odd because you have Asperger Syndrome. So you may want to go out of your way to let people know they can trust you and that you are safe. Just because you are a goodhearted person, doesn’t mean people can tell unless you show them.
That is why we suggest that you not wear your black trench coat all the time. Black trench coats don’t seem safe to people. It makes you seem scary and you are already a big, tall, young, strong guy.
Even more important is the looks on your face and the emotion you show with your body. It is very common for people with Asperger Syndrome to not notice their body language and not realize that it is extremely important.
Sometimes when you are mildly annoyed, such as when we ask you to wash the dishes, you get a look on your face like you want to kill us. If I didn’t know you and know all about Asperger Syndrome, I might think that I should run for my life!
You must, must, must, learn how to catch yourself when you are about to give that look and never, ever give anyone that look. I know it seems crazy to you to hear me say this, but you can destroy a relationship with one look. That look is so intense, that people think you are saying, “I will kill you,” and they may never trust you again. They might mistakenly think that you are crazy like that student who shot people.
It’s hard for people with Asperger Syndrome to understand how strongly faces speak, but they are much more important than words to most people. Most people think that facial expressions are always true. But most people know that with words, it is possible to joke around or tell little lies, or big lies. That’s why most people don’t listen to words very much. But one really strong and scary look is all it will take for you to lose someone’s trust forever.
Whew, sorry for the long and serious blog today. But you are such a sweet guy and it wouldn’t be fair for someone to think that you are like a scary shooter. Asperger Syndrome isn’t a mental illness, it’s just a communication disorder. So all you need to do is learn the communication skills that are used in this world to reassure others, and you’ll be fine.
Love,
Mom
