Thursday, April 12, 2007
Fixing Feelings
Dear Darren,
Yesterday I said that you don’t have to fix people’s feelings, just let them know that you are listening and that you understand.
But there is one exception to that rule. The exception is – if you caused the feeling then maybe you need to fix it! For example, if you borrowed your sister’s car, drove too close to the mailbox and scratched her car, how would she feel? Probably mad. And it wouldn’t be enough for you to listen to her and say, “Sounds like you are mad.” Instead, you would need to go and take the car and pay to get the scratch rubbed out. (Not that you would ever scratch your sister’s car, of course ☺)
But in yesterday’s example, I was sad because our family all lives in many different parts of the country. I have brothers on the east coast and a sister in the south and parents on the west coast and Laura in Hawaii…and there really isn’t anything anyone can do about that. So that is a good time for you to say, “Oh, sounds like you are sad.” And I’ll say, “Yes, I am sad about that today, but I am also glad that everyone is doing well. And at least we have cell phones!”
Love,
Mom
Yesterday I said that you don’t have to fix people’s feelings, just let them know that you are listening and that you understand.
But there is one exception to that rule. The exception is – if you caused the feeling then maybe you need to fix it! For example, if you borrowed your sister’s car, drove too close to the mailbox and scratched her car, how would she feel? Probably mad. And it wouldn’t be enough for you to listen to her and say, “Sounds like you are mad.” Instead, you would need to go and take the car and pay to get the scratch rubbed out. (Not that you would ever scratch your sister’s car, of course ☺)
But in yesterday’s example, I was sad because our family all lives in many different parts of the country. I have brothers on the east coast and a sister in the south and parents on the west coast and Laura in Hawaii…and there really isn’t anything anyone can do about that. So that is a good time for you to say, “Oh, sounds like you are sad.” And I’ll say, “Yes, I am sad about that today, but I am also glad that everyone is doing well. And at least we have cell phones!”
Love,
Mom
