Wednesday, February 07, 2007
How to get with other people's ideas
Hi Darren,
Last time I talked about the useful trick of having a second option in your mind so you don’t get too frustrated if you first idea doesn’t work out.
Today I’m going to talk about the more advanced trick of how to accept other people’s ideas when their ideas are not the same as yours.
Often with Asperger Syndrome, it is easy to think that you have the one and only right idea. It can be hard to agree with other people’s opinions or ideas. But sometimes it is respectful and kind to let other people have a chance to make some of the decisions too.
So how can you learn to accept their ideas?
Here is something I did the other day that helped. It was lunchtime and I was intending to eat Mexican food. I like Mexican food. But John said, “Let’s eat Italian food!” To me, Italian food did not sound like a good idea at all because I had already decided to have Mexican food. But instead of saying, “No,” I said, “That’s an idea. Let me think about it.” And then I thought about it. I wanted to think about all the reasons why I love Mexican food. But that wouldn’t have helped. So instead, I tried to think of something good about Italian food. It was hard a first, but I kept trying. After a few minutes of thinking about as many good things about Italian food as I possibly could imagine, I was ready to agree to go and happily eat Italian food.
So the steps are:
1. Buy time to allow yourself to get used to their idea, by saying something polite and neutral.
2. Then spend that time wisely! Don’t just waste the time by reinforcing your own stuck thinking. Try hard to expand your thinking and try on the other person’s idea. Think as positively as possible about their idea. And maybe you’ll actually be able to get there!
And even if you still think your idea is best, sometimes it’s worth agreeing to their idea just to give them a chance to have their choice sometimes too. And if you decide to let them have their first choice, be sure to go along with a smile. If you’re grumpy about it, no one will have any fun. Then next time they won’t want to have you along. But if you succeed in thinking positively about their idea, you’ll all have a great time!
Mom
Last time I talked about the useful trick of having a second option in your mind so you don’t get too frustrated if you first idea doesn’t work out.
Today I’m going to talk about the more advanced trick of how to accept other people’s ideas when their ideas are not the same as yours.
Often with Asperger Syndrome, it is easy to think that you have the one and only right idea. It can be hard to agree with other people’s opinions or ideas. But sometimes it is respectful and kind to let other people have a chance to make some of the decisions too.
So how can you learn to accept their ideas?
Here is something I did the other day that helped. It was lunchtime and I was intending to eat Mexican food. I like Mexican food. But John said, “Let’s eat Italian food!” To me, Italian food did not sound like a good idea at all because I had already decided to have Mexican food. But instead of saying, “No,” I said, “That’s an idea. Let me think about it.” And then I thought about it. I wanted to think about all the reasons why I love Mexican food. But that wouldn’t have helped. So instead, I tried to think of something good about Italian food. It was hard a first, but I kept trying. After a few minutes of thinking about as many good things about Italian food as I possibly could imagine, I was ready to agree to go and happily eat Italian food.
So the steps are:
1. Buy time to allow yourself to get used to their idea, by saying something polite and neutral.
2. Then spend that time wisely! Don’t just waste the time by reinforcing your own stuck thinking. Try hard to expand your thinking and try on the other person’s idea. Think as positively as possible about their idea. And maybe you’ll actually be able to get there!
And even if you still think your idea is best, sometimes it’s worth agreeing to their idea just to give them a chance to have their choice sometimes too. And if you decide to let them have their first choice, be sure to go along with a smile. If you’re grumpy about it, no one will have any fun. Then next time they won’t want to have you along. But if you succeed in thinking positively about their idea, you’ll all have a great time!
Mom
