Friday, January 05, 2007
Should You Change, Or Should You Ask Them To?
Dear Darren,
I’m sorry your teacher turned you down when you asked for a special accommodation at school. And I’m sorry she insulted your grandmother who suggested the accommodation. And I know it was because you pushed too hard and were too demanding and you ended up frustrating your teacher.
I often want you to just pretend you don’t have Asperger and do a good job at school the same as the other kids. It’s asking a lot. Probably it’s asking too much. It’s probably not fair to you. But the more you can learn do without accommodations, the better off you will be as an adult.
When situations don’t work very well for you, I never know how much to ask you to change, and how much to help you change the situations you find yourself in. When you and the world don’t fit, should you try to change yourself, or should you try to change the world?
I’m a pragmatic person and I often try whichever seems most likely to work. But how is it fair that people with Asperger always have to accommodate the rest of the world, and the rest of the world doesn’t have to accommodate Asperger? Well, it’s not fair.
And it’s also not always clear what is easiest or what will work best. When I work with my clients, they often want to learn to accommodate for the world. And they go to great lengths to learn the ways of the rest of the world to keep the people around them happy. But it is so much work for them. And I wish there was an easier way.
Love,
Mom
I’m sorry your teacher turned you down when you asked for a special accommodation at school. And I’m sorry she insulted your grandmother who suggested the accommodation. And I know it was because you pushed too hard and were too demanding and you ended up frustrating your teacher.
I often want you to just pretend you don’t have Asperger and do a good job at school the same as the other kids. It’s asking a lot. Probably it’s asking too much. It’s probably not fair to you. But the more you can learn do without accommodations, the better off you will be as an adult.
When situations don’t work very well for you, I never know how much to ask you to change, and how much to help you change the situations you find yourself in. When you and the world don’t fit, should you try to change yourself, or should you try to change the world?
I’m a pragmatic person and I often try whichever seems most likely to work. But how is it fair that people with Asperger always have to accommodate the rest of the world, and the rest of the world doesn’t have to accommodate Asperger? Well, it’s not fair.
And it’s also not always clear what is easiest or what will work best. When I work with my clients, they often want to learn to accommodate for the world. And they go to great lengths to learn the ways of the rest of the world to keep the people around them happy. But it is so much work for them. And I wish there was an easier way.
Love,
Mom
