Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Talking Too Loud - or not
Dear Darren,
I know that sometimes the people around you have trouble with how loud you talk. You can be in a library or a quiet section of a bookstore and be at full volume and everyone stares. You are capable of speaking quietly when you remember. You just forget. We’ve been trying to figure out how to help you remember.
Your grandma suggested teaching you to learn to notice how you feel inside when you speak so loud. On the other hand, I thought it would be a good idea to teach you how to notice when people stare at you when you are so loud. I thought maybe that would remind you. But Grandma thought that might make you feel self-conscious (you have a smart grandma).
Reread what I wrote about the three stages last time I wrote. If you want to practice Stage 3, how should we handle this challenge?
Stage 1 would be happily talking loud and not caring what other people think.
Stage 2 would be learning to keep a moderate tone of voice so others would think you are a good guy. But maybe you would become self-conscious or uncomfortable in public, constantly afraid you might be doing something wrong.
Stage 3 would be you deciding to make people around you comfortable for their own sake. You would notice them and care about them. You would think of them as people in the world who have lives and concerns and situations of their own.
Maybe they have a headache, like I often do. Or maybe they are afraid of big, almost 6-foot teenagers because they were mugged once. Or maybe they have sensory integration problems like many people with Asperger Syndrome do, and so they have trouble with loud noises. Or maybe they can’t hear well and are trying to talk with the person they are with.
Or maybe they are just tired because their boss gave them too much work. Or maybe their kids are sick and their wife is grumpy and their car wouldn’t start in the cold weather. Or maybe they don’t have enough money to buy the special toy their son hopes for this Christmas so they are sad. Or maybe their son won’t be with them for Christmas because he will be with his other parent and the relatives on that side of the family. And maybe if you could lower your voice and smile, it would make them just a little happier.
And maybe you could remember to wonder what it might be like to be those other people. Then it wouldn’t make you feel self-conscious or shy or anxious to remember to keep your voice low. You wouldn’t be keeping your voice low because there is anything wrong with you. You would be doing it because you care about the world around you.
I know that sometimes the people around you have trouble with how loud you talk. You can be in a library or a quiet section of a bookstore and be at full volume and everyone stares. You are capable of speaking quietly when you remember. You just forget. We’ve been trying to figure out how to help you remember.
Your grandma suggested teaching you to learn to notice how you feel inside when you speak so loud. On the other hand, I thought it would be a good idea to teach you how to notice when people stare at you when you are so loud. I thought maybe that would remind you. But Grandma thought that might make you feel self-conscious (you have a smart grandma).
Reread what I wrote about the three stages last time I wrote. If you want to practice Stage 3, how should we handle this challenge?
Stage 1 would be happily talking loud and not caring what other people think.
Stage 2 would be learning to keep a moderate tone of voice so others would think you are a good guy. But maybe you would become self-conscious or uncomfortable in public, constantly afraid you might be doing something wrong.
Stage 3 would be you deciding to make people around you comfortable for their own sake. You would notice them and care about them. You would think of them as people in the world who have lives and concerns and situations of their own.
Maybe they have a headache, like I often do. Or maybe they are afraid of big, almost 6-foot teenagers because they were mugged once. Or maybe they have sensory integration problems like many people with Asperger Syndrome do, and so they have trouble with loud noises. Or maybe they can’t hear well and are trying to talk with the person they are with.
Or maybe they are just tired because their boss gave them too much work. Or maybe their kids are sick and their wife is grumpy and their car wouldn’t start in the cold weather. Or maybe they don’t have enough money to buy the special toy their son hopes for this Christmas so they are sad. Or maybe their son won’t be with them for Christmas because he will be with his other parent and the relatives on that side of the family. And maybe if you could lower your voice and smile, it would make them just a little happier.
And maybe you could remember to wonder what it might be like to be those other people. Then it wouldn’t make you feel self-conscious or shy or anxious to remember to keep your voice low. You wouldn’t be keeping your voice low because there is anything wrong with you. You would be doing it because you care about the world around you.
