Tuesday, December 05, 2006
3 Stages of Relating in Asperger Syndrome
Darren,
There seems to me to be three main stages that people with Asperger Syndrome go through in regards to how they relate to other people.
In Stage 1, the person with AS is fairly self-oriented and doesn’t pay a lot of attention to what other’s think. They’re not shy and they do their own thing. Other people may consider them to be weird but they don’t mind.
In Stage 2, the person with AS may start to want to fit in a little more. Maybe they’ve decided they want friends or a girlfriend or to get along better at school or work. In this stage they can learn a lot about communication and social skills. But the danger is they might get shy or overly anxious or self-conscious. They might worry too much about how they look or sound to other people. They also may become defensive and self-justifying or argumentative.
In Stage 3, they realize that it doesn’t matter that much how they look or sound. What matters more is how they make other people feel. Then they start paying attention to other people and stop focusing on what impression they might be making. They start remembering to reassure people and ask people questions about their day and show care and consideration.
It’s that focus on other people that will ultimately win the friends that you want.
I think I may have accidentally taught you Stage 2 back when you were in Stage 1. Now I need to fix my mistake and teach you Stage 3.
Love,
Mom
There seems to me to be three main stages that people with Asperger Syndrome go through in regards to how they relate to other people.
In Stage 1, the person with AS is fairly self-oriented and doesn’t pay a lot of attention to what other’s think. They’re not shy and they do their own thing. Other people may consider them to be weird but they don’t mind.
In Stage 2, the person with AS may start to want to fit in a little more. Maybe they’ve decided they want friends or a girlfriend or to get along better at school or work. In this stage they can learn a lot about communication and social skills. But the danger is they might get shy or overly anxious or self-conscious. They might worry too much about how they look or sound to other people. They also may become defensive and self-justifying or argumentative.
In Stage 3, they realize that it doesn’t matter that much how they look or sound. What matters more is how they make other people feel. Then they start paying attention to other people and stop focusing on what impression they might be making. They start remembering to reassure people and ask people questions about their day and show care and consideration.
It’s that focus on other people that will ultimately win the friends that you want.
I think I may have accidentally taught you Stage 2 back when you were in Stage 1. Now I need to fix my mistake and teach you Stage 3.
Love,
Mom
