Friday, November 03, 2006
Controlling
Dear Darren,
Yesterday I mentioned that you cannot make your friend change. Some people with Asperger often try to control their friends and family. They don’t realize that even if they win, they have seriously damaged the relationship. People hate being controlled, and they will treat you badly if you try.
People try to control other people in many ways. Sometimes it is by physical force, but other times it is by using emotions, such as getting angry. Sometimes it is done by bribery or threats. Other times people use logical arguments without listening to the other person’s side.
It’s OK to ask someone to change, but whenever you ask someone to do something, remember they always have the right to say no. And if they do say no, it is your responsibility to accept that without anger. You may be disappointed. But remember how there is a “should statement” in anger. If you are angry, you are thinking they shouldn’t have said no. But actually, they get to say no.
Love,
Mom
Yesterday I mentioned that you cannot make your friend change. Some people with Asperger often try to control their friends and family. They don’t realize that even if they win, they have seriously damaged the relationship. People hate being controlled, and they will treat you badly if you try.
People try to control other people in many ways. Sometimes it is by physical force, but other times it is by using emotions, such as getting angry. Sometimes it is done by bribery or threats. Other times people use logical arguments without listening to the other person’s side.
It’s OK to ask someone to change, but whenever you ask someone to do something, remember they always have the right to say no. And if they do say no, it is your responsibility to accept that without anger. You may be disappointed. But remember how there is a “should statement” in anger. If you are angry, you are thinking they shouldn’t have said no. But actually, they get to say no.
Love,
Mom
