Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Teasing
Dear Darren,
If you have a friend who teases you sometimes, you can’t force that friend to quit teasing by waving a magic wand, even though that might be your first choice option if that option existed. But you do have an option to learn to not mind too much that he’s teasing. You can tell yourself, “That’s just how he learned to act, he doesn’t mean anything.”
Another option is to choose to end the friendship and spend your time with people who don’t tease you. A third option is to ask him to quit teasing you. Whenever you ask someone to do something, you must remember that it is only a request and not a command. You can ask him to change, but you cannot make him change. He doesn’t have to change. He has the right to be whoever he wants to be, including a big tease.
It’s hard to get others to change. It’s easier to change yourself. Changing yourself is often a very good option because you have control over yourself but you don’t have control over others. Plus, when you change yourself first, others may change in response. So next time your friend teases you, laugh right along with him instead of getting angry. That will make you seem like a relaxed, confident and friendly person, and he will look a bit foolish. Soon his teasing will seem more friendly to you.
Love,
Mom
If you have a friend who teases you sometimes, you can’t force that friend to quit teasing by waving a magic wand, even though that might be your first choice option if that option existed. But you do have an option to learn to not mind too much that he’s teasing. You can tell yourself, “That’s just how he learned to act, he doesn’t mean anything.”
Another option is to choose to end the friendship and spend your time with people who don’t tease you. A third option is to ask him to quit teasing you. Whenever you ask someone to do something, you must remember that it is only a request and not a command. You can ask him to change, but you cannot make him change. He doesn’t have to change. He has the right to be whoever he wants to be, including a big tease.
It’s hard to get others to change. It’s easier to change yourself. Changing yourself is often a very good option because you have control over yourself but you don’t have control over others. Plus, when you change yourself first, others may change in response. So next time your friend teases you, laugh right along with him instead of getting angry. That will make you seem like a relaxed, confident and friendly person, and he will look a bit foolish. Soon his teasing will seem more friendly to you.
Love,
Mom
